Great Expecations, Part II

The last post was a bit of a downer, but as I said, I just want to be as real as possible.  I don't mean to come across as though I'm just complaining and not appreciative of this opportunity because, believe me, I am.  This life-changing experience was completely out of my comfort zone to begin with, so I have overcome a lot of my insecurities and learned quite a bit about myself in the process. 

So, now that I feel like I've gotten everything off my chest for the time being,  I am focusing my energy on re-prioritizing my life so that I can capitalize on this journey and make it the best that it can be.

First off, I've learned that one of my biggest problems is the need to always plan for the future.  I like to have a mental blueprint of what my life is going to be like and what my next step is, and if things don't always play out how I think they should, sometimes I feel like I've lost all control.  Although planning is important (to a degree), sometimes I think I obsess about it a little too much.  One would think that I would have learned by now to just let go and live for the moment given some of the unexpected events that I have gone through, but I still haven't picked up on that yet.  Positive step # 1:  Live for today and enjoy every moment for what it is.  Worry about tomorrow when it gets here.  That sounds like an inspirational cliche from a poster that hung in my third grade classroom.  You know those ones with the cat in a bow tie or something?  Yeah, anyway, all cliches aside, there is truth to that statement.  Along the same lines, I am not going to stress about my next step until Intermediate is over, which is set for March 16.  I figure that would give me at least two months to start looking for jobs or internships or whatever for when I return to the States.
   
Positive step # 2: Run more often.  I'm signed up for the March half marathon in Atlanta, so I am trying to trick myself into believing that I should be training for that. 

Positive step # 3:  Enjoy PARIS!  I know I will be doing much more meandering and exploring when the weather changes, but I need to stop being lazy, grab my coat and umbrella, and just do it now.  Spending six weeks in Duluth reminded me how much I love the city and loath the suburbs.  I hate having to drive everywhere and the serious lack of charm and character.  While urban life comes with a laundry list of problems, I'd take that over suburbia any day.  All of that being said, I need to take advantage of the incredible city I have at my disposal. 

Positive outlook # 4: Continue to heal.  Being back in Atlanta was really difficult for me because I wasn't used to the constant reminder of David.  It is nice to be away from that a little longer while I still sort through my emotions.  I do feel like I've made progress, though.  While I still have some hard days, I think the time between the those days is increasing.  Healing is one of the main reasons I came over here in the first place, so I don't want to lose sight of that.  I still miss about him every second of every day, but I am focusing that energy on making the most of this experience.  For him and for me.

Positive step # 5: Do the absolute best that I can at school.  I love all of the time that I spend in the kitchen, and I really feel like I have improved since last session.  I know that I have a long way to go, but I think that I'm learning to have fun with it and not take everything so personally.  For example, I had my first "catastrophe", as the chef likes to put it, while making milk chocolate candies yesterday.  I knew they didn't turn out right, but rather than get upset about it, I couldn't help but laugh.  Although I didn't understand the majority of what the chef said during my critique (but I did catch the catastrophe!), he was laughing with me and gave me continuous high five's, so I am assuming it was okay! 

Positive step # 6: Appreciate the language and the culture.  While my comprehension of French has gotten much better, my speaking abilities are sub-par at best.  I have a little French workbook to help me with the speaking, so I plan be spending much more time with that.  Maybe I'll have it down by the time I leave.  Doubtful.  Also, French people amuse me more than they know.  I am convinced that they make simple things more difficult than they need to be, and inefficiency is definitely at the top of their list.  On the other hand, I admire the pride that they have for their maintaining their culture.

As I was walking to class the other day, I noticed a logo on the front of a large construction wall.  A smile crossed my face, and I felt a little pep in my step as soon as I saw it.  STARBUCKS!  I am constantly reminded that is is so American to drink to-go coffees and enjoy Starbucks, but guess what?  I am American, and I LOVE my Starbucks!  The French, however, were less than thrilled that this American chain was infringing on their quaint little neighborhood.  Reason 1, 293 why I love the French:

The best part is?  The familiar chain pictured below is a. located directly across the street and b. ALWAYS crowded.  Recognize the golden arches?  Yeah, I can't even make this stuff up.  I'm willing to bet that the angry Frenchy who defaced the Starbucks sign hopped on across the street and grabbed a Big Mac and fries after.

Positive step # 7: Eat as many croissants and baguettes as I want.  My philosophy is that my time here is limited, so I might as well savor them for as long as possible.  Also, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I can guarantee I wouldn't have regretted that one last buttery croissant.

Positive step # 8: Take advantage of the "me" time.  During one of my pity parties, my friend Meredith pointed out to me that this is probably one of the last periods in my life where I will truly be able to enjoy time by myself and for myself.  This one took a little bit of time for me to adjust to because I've always been a people person. Over the past couple of weeks, however, I have loved doing whatever I want, whenever I want.

Positive step # 9: Make a paper chain.  When I first got back, I thought about putting together one of those link chains out of construction paper to make the remaining time more tangible.  Since then, however, my outlook has become more positive.  Now I see it as the time remaining until I accomplish my goals.  A couple of friends from school and I started our assembly last week, and we are hoping to get it up by February 1.

Hard at work!  We are even writing inspiration messages on each link!

Positive step # 10:  Catch up on Glee.  Who doesn't love a good song and dance??

And last, but certainly not least, Positive step # 11: Face my fears.  Another cliche, I know, but seriously.  As illustrated in the previous post, I had a lot of concerns about coming back, and I tried to do everything short of chaining myself to Bentley to avoid coming back because I was scared.  I was scared about everything...from whether or not the stuff that I left was still safe and sound in my apartment to Did the building burn down?  Was the building still standing? to What will the people be like at school?  What if I don't have any friends over here and I end up spending 6 months alone? to Can I possibly do this?  Do I have the ability to pass these classes and follow through to the end?  What will I do when I go back home?  Every day that goes by (and all of the ups and downs in between) reminds me that I can and will do this successfully, and make the absolute most of it while I'm here.

- a tout à l’heure!